Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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