I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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