I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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