It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
