ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i barfeds in our rink
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
