Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
