i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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