remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
