It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
