No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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