It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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