last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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