A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
