The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
