I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
