I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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