Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
