I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
