I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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