Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
