PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is Oprah even human
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
