I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
