You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
