yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
