meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
