someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
