planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
