3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
