It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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