i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
