Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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