I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
