Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
