his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
