If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
