GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
