Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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