next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
