Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
