I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
