O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
