I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
