Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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