I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
should my penis look like a turkey
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
These tits shall not be calmed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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