If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
