omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
