The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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