I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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