So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
