I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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