Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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