Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
